


edge of the dark

by onlyone_cannoli



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: F/F, Wayhaught - Freeform, fluff i guess?, leia the cat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 02:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onlyone_cannoli/pseuds/onlyone_cannoli
Summary: nicole is good at being strong - she always has been. but that doesn't mean the nightmares aren't still there, sitting in corners, lurking at the edge of the dark.or - three times nicole has nightmares, and three times someone is there to catch her.





	edge of the dark

I. Nicole, December 1999

She had her first nightmare a week after she turned seven, two months after they buried Dad.

For two months, everything was fine. She’d cried a lot, of course, when it first happened - when Officer Connor showed up at the door without his usual smile, and she watched Mom crumple to the floor like her legs had turned into paper, sobbing into Officer Connor’s shirt so hard that it sort of scared her - but it seemed like everyone sort of fell apart, in the beginning. She’d even caught Jesse sniffling in his room once or twice, and he _never_ cried. But he’d told her they had to be strong, for Mom.

Nicole was good at being strong. She knew, because Dad had always told her so, and she never had any problems standing up to the bullies at school, and she won at least half the time when Jesse tried to wrestle her even though he was always a couple inches taller, and she could almost, _almost_ keep up with Dad when he raced them down the street to the bus stop.

So Nicole was strong, and she didn’t cry when they went to the vigil, where hundreds of people gathered outside the police station, holding candles up into the chilly October night as an endless string of adults took turns standing at a podium to tell them that Officer Haught was a hero. It had been fun, at first, because she got to stay out late and Mom let her hold two candles when Jesse only got one, but it didn’t take long for Nicole to get bored. She already _knew_ Dad was a hero, from the way he always got up extra early when it snowed to shovel Mrs. Carson’s driveway, and the way he knew the answers to her and Jesse’s homework without ever having to look it up, and how he always managed to fix the car by himself when it broke even though Mom told him  _just call the mechanic, Jason_ , and he always smiled at everyone, even if they were being mean or rude. (Oh, and because he caught bad guys, of course.)

So it all seemed a little silly to sit around and talk about it, but Nicole didn’t mind in the end because it seemed to make Mom feel better and Dad _was_ a hero, after all, and Nicole was unbearably proud of him.

For days after the funeral, people showed up at the house with food and flowers and cards, speaking in low voices and saying things like _he’s in a better place, sweetie,_ and _he’ll always be with you._ They milled around, sitting with Mom and looking at old pictures, pockets stuffed with tissues and wearing smiles so sad that Nicole wondered why they even bothered smiling at all.

Nicole didn’t like it, the way the sadness and the quiet sat so thick in the air that it made her feel like she was suffocating, so she tried not to stay in the house. She tagged along with Jesse and his friends whenever she could, and rode her bike down to the library with Kelly after school, and helped Mrs. Carson rake the leaves in her yard. And after a couple weeks, everything sort of went back to normal.

Normal, except that the house felt a little bigger and emptier, without Dad’s booming laugh bouncing off the walls and his big feet clunking up and down the creaky stairs and the music he always played on Sunday mornings while he made pancakes. And she still caught Mom crying sometimes, when she thought she and Jesse were playing outside or watching TV. Nicole tried her best to cheer her up, but when she told Mom she wanted to catch bad guys like Dad when she grew up, it only ever seemed to make her cry harder.

And Nicole wasn’t dumb - she knew what death was. She _knew_ a bad guy had shot Dad while he was at work and that he was dead, that he wasn’t ever coming back. It was like when their old cat, Obi, had gotten hit by a car in the street and they’d rushed him to the vet, who said he was in too much pain and had to be "put down”, which meant like sleeping but forever. And Nicole had cried, and Dad had gently squeezed her shoulders and told her that it was all part of the circle of life, that Obi had been a good cat and it was simply his time to go. And as they said goodbye, he held her hand and explained that death could be scary and very sad, but it wasn’t the end and being scared of it wasn’t any reason not to be brave - and sometimes being brave meant staying behind and trying to be happy.

_It’s okay to be sad, Nicky. Being sad is part of being strong, too._

And Nicole was strong, so she tried to be happy and brave the way that Dad had taught her to be, the way that would make Dad proud.

So everything was fine, until she had the nightmare.

She dreamed that it was just another morning before school, and she and Jesse and Dad were dashing out the front door with Mom’s shout of _slow down you’ll break your necks_ drifting after them as they raced down the street toward the bus stop. Jesse fell behind after the first few steps, but she and Dad were neck and neck almost the whole way and Nicole thought maybe, _maybe_ today she would finally beat him. But all of a sudden, Dad started speeding up, bounding forward on his long legs, and when he reached the bus stop he just kept going. And Nicole ran and ran, trying to keep up with him even as he got farther and farther away, and she tried to yell _stop, Daddy, I’m tired_ but the air was searing her lungs and her throat was burning and she could feel her legs getting weaker until she finally slipped on a patch of ice and went tumbling to the ground. She landed hard enough that it knocked the breath out of her and she laid there, crying _stop, Daddy, please come back_ , between big gulps of air, and the wind was gusting and blowing the snow around so that when she looked up she could barely see Dad anymore, just a shadow in the distance; could barely hear his voice calling her name through the howling wind, _Nicky, Nicky_ ; and she tried to get back to her feet only to find that the ice had frozen her legs to the ground, and when the snow finally cleared Dad was gone - and that was how Nicole woke up, pillow wet and arms and legs twisted in the sheets, the winter wind gusting into her room through an open window, nearly freezing the tears on her cheeks.

She quickly rubbed her face on her blanket and untangled herself, jumping out of bed to slam the window shut. She stood there for a moment with her eyes closed, shivering in her pajamas, and when she opened her eyes again it seemed like the wind was carrying Dad’s voice - _Nicky, Nicky -_ and the shadows felt like they were creeping in closer from the corners of the room, like the nightmares were waiting for her, sitting on the edge of the dark.

She left her room and padded down the hallway, sniffling and hugging herself, and pushed through Jesse’s door without knocking, which she _knew_ he hated but she always forgot.

“Wha - ” She saw Jesse’s head poke out from underneath his sheets as the light from the hallway hit his bed, and he shielded his eyes and squinted blearily at her. “Nic?”

She wiped her nose on her sleeve and took a few hesitant steps toward Jesse. _It’s okay to be sad, Nicky._ “I miss Dad.”

There was a beat of silence before Jesse replied, his voice small and quiet in the darkness. “I do, too.”

Nicole sniffled again, hugging herself a little tighter. She was afraid Jesse would tell her to go away, to go back to her room, but he sat up and motioned for her to come closer. She shuffled forward and watched as he took something out from under his pillow and pressed it into her hand.

She didn’t even have to really see it to recognize what it was, but she turned and held it up in the light anyway. The face glinted gold and silver, and she felt a strange twinge in her chest. _Dad’s badge._

She tightened her grip around it and let her arm fall. She couldn’t quite make out Jesse’s face in the dark.

“Thanks, Jesse.”

“Officer Connor gave it to me,” he said. “Dad would want you to have it.”

She didn’t know what to say, so she just nodded and turned to leave, but only made it as far as the door before she stopped.

“Jes?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want to sleep by myself.”

Jesse didn’t reply, and for a second she thought maybe he hadn’t heard, or maybe he was ignoring her, but then she heard the rustling of blankets and the quiet creak of bedsprings. She turned around to see that Jesse had shifted himself over to the far side of the bed, making room for her.

“Just tonight. And don’t hog the blankets.”

**Author's Note:**

> coming soon - part 2: Nicole, November 2016.


End file.
